On bears, knots, and the wetness of water
by Dan Rowley, Copyright (C)1998 Dan Rowley - all rights reserved


I returned yesterday from an overnight hike in the Chiricahua mountains (SouthEastern AZ - near the NM border). Here's my account of the trip:

We decided to take a "warm up" hike this past weekend, which was interesting. I say "warm up" in quotes, because it was far from warm. We actually ended up camping ABOVE the snow line in the Chiricahua mountains, which was decidedly chilly. We started at about 5800ft altitude and ended up at about 7500 feet (with lots of ups and downs in between). We "only" hiked about 10 "horizontal" miles, but one of our number who apparently lives to memorize Sierra Club rules of thumb informed us that our vertical climb(s) entitled us to claim having hiked almost 25 miles. I can't vouch for the accuracy of that assessment, but my legs certainly feel like they've hiked 25 miles.

Anyway, I believe I mentioned the phrase "snow line" earlier... We were within touching distance of snow (we walked through it to get to our camp site), though there was not snow on the ground at our actual campsite. An ill-advised look at the thermometer when I stumbled out of my tent at 4:15AM (!) revealed that it was a toasty 35 degrees (actually, a little less than that, but we'll call it 35 to avoid unduly frightening our gentle readers). Once you get up to pee at 35 degrees, it's a trifle difficult to get back to sleep, so I just stayed up, lit a fire, and watched the sun rise. I would have liked to have had a little coffee, but due mostly to the tireless efforts of our aforementioned walking Sierra Club encyclopedia (and Eagle Scout) this was not immediately possible. This is because of the bears.

Bears? What on earth do bears have to do with coffee? More than you might think. Bears don't actually DRINK coffee (well, at least I don't *think* they do, but I would have thought they would mention that on the little signs at the zoo, and perhaps even gotten Folgers to sponsor the "natural bear habitat with espresso maker"), but the coffee, along with anything else that smelled even remotely like food, had to be hidden from bears. This includes, inexplicably, band-aids. Now, I know this is beginning to sound like a seriously weird list of fetishes (coffee and band-aids?!?), but bears apparently go NUTS for band-aids. Anyway, anything that smells good has to be put in a "Bear Bag" (TM) and hung from a nearby tree in such a way that the bear can't get to it from the ground, or from said tree. Otherwise, band-aid crazed bears have been known to destroy backpacks, tents, and campsites in search of the elusive self-adhesive plastic strips, or at least a decent cup of coffee.

Interestingly, bear bags are equally effective at preventing coffee-starved half-asleep humans from getting at their first cup of coffee. I simply could not cope with trying to get the bear bag down, untying the knot (one of those knots that only Boy Scouts can fathom), and finding the little sachets of genuine freeze-dried faux coffee, all while holding a flashlight and trying not to freeze to death. So, I waited until the sun came up, and managed with some difficulty to get the bear bag lowered and opened. Starbucks it is not, but Taster's Choice instant coffee isn't irredeemably horrible, especially when spiked with a shot of Hennessey Cognac. Of course, there are probably a great many things that taste better with a shot of Cognac.

Probably the most pressing concern for any hiker is water. Having read our trusty 25 year old trail guide to the Chiricahuas, we were armed with the information that the trail we had chosen had "no" water. Apparently, the author's definition of "no" water differs somewhat from the conventional meaning, because the "no" water we encountered was very wet and very cold. We made a very important scientific discovery on this trip - when snow melts, it turns into water! We've already notified the press, and we expect this revelation to have far-reaching scientific ramifications. Perhaps one day we'll even understand why ice cubes disappear after being placed in warm drinks, and why said drinks taste weaker afterwards. As with many scientific discoveries, though, practical applications for this new information could be many years away. We're recommending that the President convene a special commission to look into the matter. At any rate, I lost track of how many times we had to cross Turkey creek, and about halfway back to the trailhead on the second day we gave up entirely on trying to cross without getting wet and just sloshed our way across (often, we would cross the creek, only to cross back to the other side a scant 50 yards or so down the trail).

The glossy literature for the Chiricahuas claims that the mountain range, the largest in Arizona, is home to five different bioligic zones - everything but Arctic and Tropical. It was interesting to walk through pine forest, Juniper and oak, and Chihuahuan desert scrub all in a single hike. Despite the chilly evening, we had a good time.

Comments? email me!

September 4, 2001 - Okay, Okay, call off the dogs. An earlier edit of this document referred to a very good friend of mine as an "ex" Eagle Scout when in fact he is still very much an Eagle Scout in good standing. I hereby retract that statement and publicly apologize for the implication that he had been expelled from the group for some kind of heinous act. Now maybe those local cub scouts will stop TP-ing my cactus.