This piece was written in the wake of the September 11th terrorist attacks. I'm leaving it up to remind myself about how I felt at that time.



I have been unable to sleep much over the last 48 hours or so, and I wrote the following in an attempt to clear my head. If it strikes a chord with you, please feel free to share it, though I ask that you leave the author attribution intact. Thank you.

I am painfully aware that in the coming days and weeks more will be written about the recent terrorist attacks than perhaps will be written about any three other events this year. I am also aware that my admittedly limited life experience and naÔve worldview makes my thoughts of somewhat less moment than those written by others with a more intimate knowledge of the events and the issues that surround them. Yet still I find myself composing sentences when I should be working, ironing out prose in lieu of sleep, and in general turning a disproportionate amount of mind-share over to thoughts in this vein. I realize now that I have things to say and until I sit down and articulate my thoughts, they will continue to preempt my attention and prevent me from moving on. So it is to that end that I share these base observations on the current state of affairs.

It occurs to me that mankind today suffers from a deficit of wonder. We live in a world of rapidly escalating expectations coupled with an almost complete lack of regard for the tremendous energy, both mental and physical, that underlies every single human accomplishment. Like addicts, we seem to be requiring more and more extreme stimulus to register a response, and that response is likewise tempered by our conditioned immunity to this stimulus. One need only look at the explosion of "reality TV" shows to find evidence that we're clearly thrashing and reaching for something, anything, to surprise us. Where is our generation's space race? Where is the great unknown that we're supposed to be conquering? We're no longer satisfied with workaday medical or scientific advances. New computer technology has become so predictable that financial markets falter when our technologists fail to deliver. In short, we've transitioned from a posture of awe and marvel to one of jaded entitlement, with a concomitant degradation in the value of human life. Things come so easily that we no longer value them.

It is the nature of the human animal to reach, to strive, to aspire to be more than it is by growing and competing. When we cannot satisfy our hunger for novelty and growth in the comparatively peaceful pursuit of knowledge and domestic tranquility, we exercise our biological imperative by seeking to spread, multiply, and subjugate the competition. We find meaning by replacing the "not us" with the "us." Now, place yourself in the position of being a minority, of living your life surrounded by "not us" in a place that is not your own, and under such desperate conditions that the pursuit of peaceful growth sounds more like a cruel hoax than a legitimate goal. Box yourself in to the point that you are trapped between your essential humanity and the restraints placed on you by social convention. Your inability to act out is transformed into a deep, abiding anger ‚ a thirst for vengeance and redress so strong that it will eventually overcome you. How do you get the attention of the world at large - a world no longer able to wonder at the miracle of life, and no longer able to fathom any goal other than the satiation of the never-ending thirst for scandal and surprise? Terror.

When the world at large fails to recognize the depth of your despair, or finds that it's own interests are not served by aligning with yours, you lash out in the only way guaranteed to get their attention. In this world of short attention spans, sound bites, and weary acceptance of virtually all contingencies, one can still capture the world stage by committing an act so audacious, so surprising, so contrary to the social contract that the world can't help but notice. The fact that anyone could perpetrate such an act speaks both to the depth of conviction of the perpetrator as well as to the degradation of the value of the human life. Those who would commit such atrocities are so blinded by their rage and frustration that they can no longer see life for the miracle that it is.

The mere existence of life should be a source of constant wonder and amazement ‚ whether you attribute its presence to the work of a supreme being, or of a supremely complicated yet ordered universe is not important. We can disagree about the source of life and yet still agree that the very fact of our existence ‚ our ability to perceive ourselves and our environment, to live, love, and make our mark is a gift far too precious to squander. Seeing those so far removed from their sense of wonder only strengthens my resolve not to lose mine. I've come to realize that buried in the chaff off my everyday existence there are the seeds of wonder — the rising and the setting of the sun, the unconditional love of friends and family, the scent of sage and juniper on the breeze, the purr of the cat who sleeps contentedly in my lap as I write this. As my mind turns to tomorrow's tasks, my thoughts on this matter finally put to rest, I can't help but think that recent events will fundamentally change how we live our lives. I think about what the future will bring, and how I can bring my particular skills to bear on the situations I will face. I imagine what the coming days, weeks, and months will be like. I wonder.

Dan Rowley
September 13, 2001